Ted Wassanasong
Ted Wassanasong is the kingpin of all Laotian affairs in Arlen, Texas in a super elite club known as the Nine Rivers Country Club, a powerful laotion order that controls the East. Ted in particular controls the East, no not the Eastern hemisphere, he controls everything East. EVERYTHING. Including the eastern points of anything anywhere. The entire direction of East is controlled by Ted Wassanasong. No man should have this much fucking power. Kahn Souphanousinphone was known to have given Ted rights to the east direction since he's always sucking on Ted's dick.
To give a clear example of how much of the east Ted actually owns, he even owns the easternmost points of letters in writing, even the east of every atom. He has even claimed ownership of the eastern region of the gabyverse, and outside of that. For example, if you have fucking food on your plate, Ted has ownership of the eastern portion of your food, forcing you to die of malnutrition. What a dangerous fucking man.
Evidence was brought to light that Ted Wassanasong is an AI droid created by the Maoist Communist Party of Turkey, in collaboration with the Liberation Tigers of Tamil Eelam. Why would they fucking concoct such a thing? This doesn't make any fucking sense, how fucking evil does one have to be?