Melbourne
Melbourne (MEL-BURN (New South Wales Accent) MEL-BIN (Melbin Accent) MEL-BORN (Pommie Accent) ) is a city in Australia, capital of the state of Victoria and great place to be completely surrounded by asians and wogs. Known nationally as the birthplace of the gangland murders (a popular sport involving drugs, illegal firearms and alcohol) Melbourners have convinced themselves of being nearly 100% more hardcore than the rest of Australia. Melbourne is also the birthplace of AFL, an even more popular sport involving tight shorts, sweaty men, corporate sponsorship and arse taps. Melbin is generally believed to be the least Australian city, but also the most Australian city at the exact same time due to how many of their residents possess a massive rate of Autism, making the city a worthy rival to its arch nemesis, Sydney. It's also important to note that Aboriginals are barred from entering this city.
Melbourne receives the worst weather known to man, without the forces of nature ever actually flattening the city (unlike Tokyo, New Orleans or Sydney.)
In recent times, partying has been outlawed by the government, because too many drunk kids and Guidos have been hitting each other in the street with handbags.
Notable Factions[edit | edit source]
Tolerance Of LGBT[edit | edit source]
A perpetrated lie shared amongst Aussies is that Melbourne is the only place where faggots actually roam the streets in all of Australia, although this is false as Melbournians themselves are all collectively neo-nazi's allied with Thomas Sewell and his cronies. The reason for this lie is that so fags migrating to Australia will go there and then get bashed by wogs, thus making them stay indoors which is why 90% of faggy Australia residents live in Melbourne. When they do go out however, they meet up at Flinders Street Station (a very old train station, built when western architecture was still white) and have anal sex in front of everyone. Source: https://www.dailymail.co.uk/embed/video/1579934.html
Another reason why all the queers live in Melbourne is because no abo's live there. Everywhere else in Australia has an abundance of Abo's somewhere, but the entire state of Victoria isn't adjusted to them at all, which means they're all weak pussies who can't handle violent petrol huffing black cunts.
THE MELBIN SHUFFLE[edit | edit source]
(The cultural dance of Melbin, the most HECTIC shit evar)
Architecture[edit | edit source]
History[edit | edit source]
Founded over 90000000000000mg years ago as a prison camp/buttseks resort by the British because of the similar weather to London (ie, shit), Melbourne eventually threw off the shackles of colonialism by instituting violent gladiatorial combat as the state sport.
This blood sport was played daily at schools across the city until it diverged into the two most popular sports played today- gang warfare and AFL (GayFL in actuality, or Gay Football Losers.) Players punch, tackle, headbutt and body slam the opposition, rarely utilising the foot during play. Claiming the sport as 'Australian' is also misleading, as most of the teams are only from Melbourne.
Geographically, the city is placed on the mighty Yarra River. Tourists are advised to take snorkel tours so they may appreciate the wide variety of Eastern European gangsters wrapped in fencing wire that litter the riverbed.
Mayor and governing body[edit | edit source]
Melbourne's enigmatic mayor is Lord John So of China. His sad face is contrasted with his happy one. Confucius says "John So is elected because of the interwebs and because Melbourne is all asians". As soon as that was revealed Lord So suffered a heart attack and resigned. He was replaced by Bobby Doyle - a reject from Victorian Parliament. All rejects from there become mayors because they didn't kiss the Premier's ass.
Gang warfare[edit | edit source]
Considered the less popular of the two major sports of Melbourne, typically because the crowds at gangland killings consist of drunken bums, prostitutes, crooked cops and young children who are there to watch their parents participate. In Melbourne, gangland shootings and their perpetrators are revered. As shown in the recent miniseries Underbelly (AKA cheap, softcore porn) which is, ironically, only allowed to be shown in the other states.
Drugs[edit | edit source]
It defies the laws of the universe, that in a country with one of the worlds highest drug prices, 100% of Melbournes population are drug addicts.
General population[edit | edit source]
The population is 4 gorillion, yet this is not necessarily a good thing; Melbourne's citizens are made up mainly of emos, goths, and deformed alternative retards. High Concentrations live on the steps of Flinders Street Station. At one point they migrated to the church steps opposite Flinders Street but in a classic display of Victorian police efficiency they were all implicated as Romanian drug lords, shot for acting with 'dangerous intent' and burnt beyond all recognition to destroy evidence. Survivors went and sat outside Hungry Jacks so that they could sit around all day and be at a convenient distance from food at the same time. There is also a growing population of indie fags who make their home anywhere they can access the over priced retro star shopping centre. Here you can buy dresses your mum threw away for a good reason for twice what she paid in the 80s. That's the price of being hip in Melbourne.
90% of the population are fucking idiots who hurry everywhere on the roads, but walk as slow as a snail. they risk everyones lives on the roads to hurry home. then once they arrive home, the average person will think "oh fuck im bored, im a smalltime loser, why did i hurry home?"
No one in Melbourne drinks any water- because there is none. Everyone in Melbourne drinks beer and/or cum. Everyone in Melbourne goes jogging on Sundays. Not to get fit or anything, but to pick up 'hotties' in the parks.
Many Melbournians are also devoted to christ and bash fags on the street, most of these people are wogs that also happen to be white supremacists
Melbourne catholics performing their anti faggot dance to ward off bad spirits
The F1 Grand Prix[edit | edit source]
The Formula 1 Grand Prix is an annual event that occurs in Melbourne where people congregate to drink a really shitty europoorean """"""alcoholic beverage""""""""" known as Heineken which simply just tastes like fucking shit, and to eat donuts or if the donut stand didn't show up the following year, a philly cheesesteak that tastes like ass. But it's also worth noting that people go there to apparently watch very fast cars circle around a fucking race track for hours on end, but most notably it's where multiple instances of meetups have taken place amongst SCGN and DEUS members. Every year, Zokh attempts to meet up with Woomzy at this event to no avail and instead hangs out with people like MICHAEL JOSHUA NELSON who was arrested at the 2024 F1 Grand Prix for heiling hitler on top a slide.
There is also a notable ceremony where abo's dance to land down under techno dubstep remix.
A video made by Poseidonwatergod of the ceremony in question.
The Tram Line[edit | edit source]
THE TRAMS IN MELBOURNE HEY DID YOU KNOW THAT MELBOURNE HAS THE LARGEST TRAM LINE IN THE WORLD? ISN'T THAT SO HARDCORE? WE MELBOURNIANS ARE SO FUCKING HARDCORE! The Melbourne tram line is where Michael Nelson meowed to the commuters to get no reaction out of them and shit like this also happens on the same tram line: