Toxic Coffee Corporations

Toxic Coffee Corporations
"what 1 mean?" ~ A Brave Kurdish Man.
Type	Megacorporation, Crasher of Economies
Founded	2010
Status	Active
Headquarters	Toxic Coffee Corporations Headquarters, Big Shot District, Central Steam City, Steam City. Burj Khalifa, Dubai, United Arab Emirates. (formerly)
CEO	Toxic Coffee
No. of Employees	69 Jeffyillion

✨Toxic Coffee Corporations™✨ is a powerfully large trademarked™™™ megacorporation that operates in various regions of the world, such as Africa (due to their cobalt child slave mines), Dubai, and numerous Internet Cities including Steam City and partially Discord City. The megacorp primarily specializes in weapons & military vehicle manufacturing (that they sell to African guerrilla groups), private military contracting, robotics, artificial intelligence, illegal counterfeiting (that nobody under the 3 of Earth's suns can do anything about), biotechnology, and securing & containing paranormal phenomena (basically putting the SCP Foundation out of business.) The megacorp is known to be aligned with the SCGN due to CEO Toxic Coffee being part of The Tribunal.

Subsidiaries

• Abkhaz Constructions
• George Floyd Revival Project Organization
• HOUND PUNISHMENT RESPONSE UNIT (formerly known as The 58%)
• Toxic Coffee Casinos
• Toxic Coffee Constructions

History

Founding

Dubai, 2010

The Utopian City of Dubai.

Toxic Coffee Corporations was founded in 2010 in the vtopian city of Dubai after Toxic Coffee rap battled Andrew Tate (whom was dubbed 'Ander Tater' afterwards) for the deed to the Burj Khalifa that had recently finished construction. Coffee founded the corporation after winning the rap battle against that chinless sell out, he employed slaves and Sewer Goblins that were living in the secret Dubai Sewers. In order to hide these slaves from the world, he perpetrated the lie that Dubai has no sewer system and after the company gained its first $1 gorillion, Coffee invested in Poop Trucks to fund the TillyTog-BillyBog War in Namibia, although another lie had been said in which the trucks were being used to transport shit to a wastewater treatment plant in Al Awir (obvious made up name.)

As the masses were fooled and oblivious to Coffee's unfair treatment of Goblins and niggers (HEY DONT SAY THA WORD STOP SAYING THAT WORD NOOOOOWWWWW), Coffee decided to celebrate by playing Yakuza 4 (and subsequently forming the elite powerful group of Kamurocho, 'Yakuza 4') upon its release in March of 2010 while listening to Meg & Dia - Monster (Nightcore Dubstep Remix) as he 100%'d the entire game in one night while high on crack cocaine and ketamine. After yelling at Duncan Moore to document his entire ketamine/crack cocaine Yakuza 4 binge trip, he fell asleep for like an entire month by choice and when he woke up, he forgot about his gorillion dollar corporation and went to a gas station to buy a 6 pack of redbull and play Call Of Duty Modern Warfare for another month until remembering on a whim that he had an unlimited supply of wealth™ and was a CEO of the largest corporation in the Middle East.

Ultimate Rise To Power

We are Yakuza 4

The Yakuza 4. (From left to right: Not Important, The Man Who Erased His Name, John Yakuza, John Yakuza's sidekick aka. Bartholomew Moore Yakuza.)

The Yakuza 4 were 4 disciples (one of which has no name (he erased it)) responsible for helping Coffee in his conquest of becoming the most sensational man on Earth, and subsequently, forming the most powerful corporation to wreak havoc amongst the goyim scum. These 4 wise men helped crash several third world economies and even caused the 2008 financial crisis (they knew this economic collapse would favor them later) all to benefit the corp. Toxic Coffee Corp quickly became a dominating world power, with nukes and highly advanced technology, rivalling ZOG and the CCP. All of this was entirely alien to the goyim, and far too sensational, which made them and their feeble minds freak the fuck out because everything they've been told was a lie, so something had to be done about it.

CERN's involvement

The European Organization for Nuclear Research (also known as CERN or my poopy butthole) is a gubbermint organization in the KirbyBruh equivalent country of Switzerland that employs nerds to commit acts of science for the GREATER GOOD of mankind.

In 2012, the Large Hadron Collider was used to commence a time-altering event that would ultimately make the goyim, residing in the inner ice walls areas of Earth, entirely forget about the entire existence of TCC, and to change the way they think, permanently, making them want to eat bugs (Pre-2012 goyim would've destroyed the Jews if this was ever proposed.)

After Toxic Coffee was contacted by an elite race of Lizard People that held immense power over all of humanity, he was subsequently forced to move all operations of the corp to the Steam City in order to not disrupt the 2030 Great Reset which Coffee cared deeply about.

Operations in Steam City

Revenue Per Month from selling fentanyl to black niggers worldwide.

After conquering the Big Shot District in late 2012 with the help of Eric Mariano, TCC built their headquarters and nuked Dubai (although it was quickly rebuilt in mere seconds by Robert Ford) and subsequently began their ultimate project of legalizing nukes. The corporation lost its immense power after Coffee achieved TRONIUM for some unknown reason, some speculate Duncan Leess to have some involvement in this, which made the entire corp reduce down to a construction company known as Toxic Coffee Constructions.

During the Golden Criminal Period, after rebuilding the 50% Fort upon their partnership with The 51%, TCC was reformed to its former megacorporation status and became the second most powerful corporation in the entire city (after the Great Purge Of Steam City, they became the most powerful.) They also became quick enemies to The 1% Corporation and Arasaka because that's just how it is.

In 2021, they began their operations of containing paranormal creatures of pure fucking evil, such as the Rabid Pitbull With Aids, which they sometimes unleash onto the city to cause carnage and destruction. They also actively hunt Argonians, despite them being extinct, although they merely wish to make sure for lord Dagoth Ur.

Mecha Floyd.

In 2022, they took on the George Floyd Revival Project after the death of N U B I A N A E S T H E T I C S religious messiah, St. Floyd. (https://steamcommunity.com/groups/mechafloyd)

In 2024, they rigged the 2024 Steam City Election and made Coffee win. They also nuked the shit out of the entire city for no publicly known reason.

Other notable projects of theirs include the manufacturing of their weapon of mass destruction, SAMSUNG GALAXY NEGRO MATE ULTRA.

Affecting The Economy

Greatly.